Things That Have Changed Now I’m a Mum

My boobs. Once small but perfectly formed. Now small and imperfectly… well just imperfect really. Unfortunately breast feeding gives you the jugs of your dreams all the time you’re doing it but only if your dreams also include squirting anything within a 30ft radius with milk when your kid decides he’d rather look behind him at that crucial moment of let down; and that includes strangers sat next to you on a park bench. So I’m actually kind of happy with my saggy egg tits because at least they keep themselves to themselves.

My cry reflex. I can cry at pretty much anything now even more so if children are involved. The news is pretty much a no go for me and don’t even think about playing anything by Whitney or Celine Dion. Pretty sure I welled up at the end of Lion King the other day to. (you know that bit where Simba walks to the end of pride rock and the clouds part and Mufasa’s voice keeps saying ‘remember’ and then the rain and the music.)

My ability to give literally no shits. Walk round the supermarket in dirty trackies at 8am. No problem. Dodgy hair day? Who gives a fuck. Odd shoes (yes this happened and I blame TK Maxx for letting me buy two different shoes.) whatever. I think being a Mum just kind makes me not care about certain things because I’m too busy worrying about how to not fuck up my sons life by letting him watch too much Cbeebies or eat potato waffles 2 days in a week.

My ability to talk to strangers. I think all Mums can relate to this – because I will pretty much talk to anyone if they stand within a foot of me in a play park. Sometimes it’s an odd 3 way conversation where your speaking through your kids like some sort of backward translator. And if you’re looking for an opener I always go for the good old ‘how old is he/she/it? And go from their.

Friendships. It is inevitable that friendships will change and you will make new friends purely because you happen to have conceived at the same time as the other lucky ladies that you get matched with at Post Natal Group. I have made the best new friendships that extend well past our shared newborn baby experience and which has evolved into a shared love of wine, swearing, and slagging off our husbands (Giles if you are reading this I obviously don’t contribute to this I just smile and nod along.) Existing friendships also change but mainly in a good way because being able to keep a friendship the same when so much else is different is a huge achievement and the ultimate test for who truly belongs in your life for the long haul.

Bank Balance. This is an obvious one because kids cost so much money, especially in my case because one of my main hobbies is purchasing handmade unique clothes so that he looks awesome and I am over here in my cousins hand me downs (cheers love for getting preggers and giving me all your old stuff!) and Tesco leggings. But it pays off because his nursery definitely appreciates his african printed harems which just happen to match the nursery t-shirt. On a serious note though – I have always had a bit of a problem putting Drake in jeans and ‘man clothes’ I really just want him to be running around in cute, soft, and comfy leggings for as long as possible. If only they made such things in my size so I could burn all my jeans. Can’t believe I once thought denim was comfortable!

Concept of a ‘lie in’. I class 7am as a lie in and it is when the alternative is 5.30/6.00.

Weekends. I used to get bored on a weekend if it wasn’t jammed with activities. Also the thought of a Saturday night in just the two of us would make us both slightly depressed the social creatures that we are. In comparison I now class a lazy morning in front of Disney with breakfast and a trip to the shop followed by an afternoon down the park a Saturday well spent. And the thought of 6.30pm rolling round with the promise of feet up and tv on something other than Disney is pure thrills.

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