To The New Mum

Dear New Mum, 

It may feel like you are totally overwhelmed right now with love, anxiety, fear, joy, relief, stress, perhaps anger when you seem to be the only person in history who’s baby actually spawned from satan and doesn’t sleep. You might feel like your under carriage has just gone to battle with a rhinoserous, and you probably havn’t slept in 2 days. 

Perhaps you have just realised that baby’s cry waaay more than they do on TV and that actually you don’t have a clue how to make it stop. Maybe you have huge leaking boulder boobs that are soaking through every breast pad, bra, and dry t-shirt in the house or you are exhausted from steralising, making up and feeding your baby his bottle. 

I just want to tell you…


Someday soon your lady bits or tummy WILL feel ok again. You might have to buy some lube and try some new positions but you WILL have sex again! You WILL be able to walk without feeling like a bolder is swinging from your flaps. 

You WILL get a full nights sleep again be it in 3 months, 6, 9 or a year plus, I promise you it will happen. You WILL feel semi human again. 

The baby WILL stop crying, the colic will pass and you will get to know better how to sooth him (although sometimes there really is nothing you can do except let them run out of air!) 

You WILL get an hour to yourself again, maybe even a day. 

You WILL go out past 6pm, and don’t feel bad if your friends are out downing prosecco 8 weeks after baby is born and you are still sat in your dressing gown with a baby stuck to your nipple. It will be your time soon I promise. 

Your boobs WILL settle down and they won’t leak or grow to be the size of watermelons every 2 hours, although watch out for the first time baby sleeps longer as you will wake up having been chinned by your own tit. It is ok to milk yourself into the sink at 2am. 

And most importantly you will feel like yourself again, you will find a new rythm of life with your new family and you WILL love it! 

You WILL be ok! 

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