I have a slight problem with this blog post.
This problem being that it is now Thursday and due to the start of maturnity leave excitement/laziness I have only just gotten around to writing it. This is not the problem though. The problem is that I have forgotten what I have done over the last 7 days. I can tell you what I have eaten of an hourly basis but not what I have done because for the majority I have no idea.
It’s this pregnancy brain thing which is 100% an actual thing and not just something stupid pregnant people make up when they can’t remember their pin codes. This exact thing happened to me on my last week of work and although I am certain no one believed me and the new girl probably wondered how I had managed to keep my job for the last 4 years it was 110% preggy related. I basically forgot the pin code for our business account – its not written down because I am VERY security conscious and also have never ever forgotten a pin code in all my life. (This is not the same as passwords where most bastarding sites make you come up with something resembling the enigma code that you then have to change every 6 weeks.)
So anyway after 4 failed attempts at me putting in the wrong pin I FINALLY remembered the correct one but as I only have 1 attempt left before we are locked out of the account for good (and given that I ‘thought’ I had remembered the last 3 times) I was too scared to try it. Queue a frantic call to my relationship manager where I was almost crying down the phone to her and of course wailing that its never happened before and to blame the baby. Luckily she has 3 kids so totally got it. Anyway long story slightly shorter I took a risk and luckily my 5th attempt was correct. Thank Christ for that because I probably would have been sacked 2 days before my leave.
So the preggo brain thing is real and this was confirmed by my health visitor who told me that hormones – yes those wankers are at it again – are responsible for basically temporarily eating parts of your brain. My less scientific diagnosis was that my head was simply 99% full of baby stuff so that only leaves 1% for everything else, but the hormone thing sounds way better.
So this week I had my last working day on monday which is such a strange feeling bearing in mind that I am now 27 and I have been working 9-5 since I was 16, and i’m not good with change. Of course the day hurtled by in a haze of cake made for me by one of the girls, and KFC which my bosses bought us all for lunch; and before I knew it I was hugging them and hurtling out the door. And so far this week I have not heard from them excluding a card full of vouchers which landed on my mat Thursday night which was really really lovely of them – so I am officially un-needed professionally.
So they don’t need me anymore and I am free to enjoy my new working life of motherhood. I have really enjoyed it so far, and trust me when I say our toilet has literally never been so clean – you could actually eat your dinner of it (although dont). I have also finished the christmas shopping or will have when that magical Amazon man rocks up today with his sack full of booty. I’m thinking that the Amazon couriers are basically the modern day Santa – soon they will have to wear red uniforms and we will tell the kids how Amazon-Santa’s visit all the houses of well behaved children throughout November & December bequeathing gifts to the Mummys and Daddys to look after just in case they mis-behave between now and Christmas Day. It makes much more sense than him doing it all in one night. Apart from anything else if he is drinking all that sherry as he goes round the last kid on the list would end up with a pile of vomit (and maybe diarea if santa is prone to the alcohol shits) under the christmas tree.
Oh and I just remember I went to Ikea on Thursday!